singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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