Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
