wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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