If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
