So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
