Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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