Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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