i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
