Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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