you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He better not be in your backpack
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
