dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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