no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
