I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
