i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
