i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
