Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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