now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
