Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
