Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
