mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm passing your future prison.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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