I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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