they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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