She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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