First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
