why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
