Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
