So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
