so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
