So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
where are you?
Hypothermia
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
