What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
