He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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