so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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