Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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