We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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