I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
