Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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