I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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