Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
