I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
