New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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