Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
