lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
