you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
