I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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