Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
