I wanna passion pit in your ass
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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