she looked like the before picture.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize