And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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