I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
