It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
