It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
