oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
