DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
