I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
