as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize