I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
