Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize