I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
