drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
