you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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