Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
