he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
