he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize