i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
