I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
