yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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