Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
