yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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