Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
