Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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