When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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