why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
