Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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