you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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