Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
