you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
