he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
