U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
