I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
