The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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