she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
