Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
