I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I looked at my own cervix.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
