I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
