She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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