Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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