I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
